A little shot in 2018
2018 has taught me about things that i got before in the previous years, but something that i realize is this year (actually several months before it ends) has taught me most about self-awareness,
because of 2018, i get more curiousity to learn about someone’s conditions.
start to figuring out what exactly is in their minds,
to know why are they doing those things,
to know how can they do that and do this,
or maybe not doing anything at all.
i start to questioning myself,
what kind of pain that i want to suffer for reaching my dreams,
what is the worst feeling that i want to feel for being a learner,
where is exactly the difficult way that i want to cross for finding the right path,
and what are the best things that i want to give for people,
and for myself.
2018 has given me so many lessons,
i've tried to find the right gesture to people who hurt me before,
to them who lied to my face,
to them who kept their mouth shut and didn't tell me the truth,
to them who pretended like they were never making a mistake to me when all i got from them is pain.
but what i learned on this is,
i wouldn’t let my anger consumes me,
maybe they have a reason for doing such those things to me,
you know sometimes when people are feeling down,
feeling like they’re unwanted,
feeling like they’re lonely,
or feeling like they’re nothing,
they tend to hurt another people for escaping those feelings, and they think it will help them because they’re not alone for feeling that way.
maybe —just maybe,
they don’t think that they're doing the wrong thing,
they don’t know the conditions of someone that they hurt,
or maybe,
they just don’t want to understand.
i learned this;
i think pretending like everything is fine to them —who hurt us, is okay sometimes.
just for making them know that we’re strong enough.
and maybe thinking about what they've been through, all those bads, their sacrifices or all the things that make them exhausted — it all tend to make them sad, mad, and hurt people
therefore, we don't know the whole of their conditions —them, who hurt us.
we only know the surface of their struggle not the battling in their mind,
then it makes me to think "our experiences on things are individual, we are all only human, and we all do make mistakes" —so we could simply forgive them, and let the pains go.
but memories are still memories, they’re living in us.
and those bad memories keeping me from getting so close to people and making a limit for people that want to surf myself.
but as i try to let my soul breath, i know that there’s a piece inside my heart that wants to trust people — maybe once more.
because maybe it will heal all the broken things, all the wounds, all the scars, or maybe take all the pain away.
and i realize, we —as human, will always getting hurt, and it’s fair.
because, what is the best thing beside having the urge to believe in things again when you’ve had betrayed before?
and so the things that i need to do are..
i have to control my own emotions,
not letting anyone who doesn't have any effect in my life screws me up,
enjoying every pain as i try to fight them back,
and keep those smiles shared to people that loves me.
because in the end,
their existence are helping me to fix myself – exactly to be a better version.
as we know, we all grow, blossom, shine, to exactly something that we hope we will.
so let yourself fly against the wild winds even the darkest storm, just to make sure that you’ll be alright because you’ve been through those bads, and you’ll be a blessing for only yourself.
and one thing is,
keep believing in things.
thankyou 2018.
and happy new year,
still and always crossing my finger for the best of the bests in 2019.
because of 2018, i get more curiousity to learn about someone’s conditions.
start to figuring out what exactly is in their minds,
to know why are they doing those things,
to know how can they do that and do this,
or maybe not doing anything at all.
i start to questioning myself,
what kind of pain that i want to suffer for reaching my dreams,
what is the worst feeling that i want to feel for being a learner,
where is exactly the difficult way that i want to cross for finding the right path,
and what are the best things that i want to give for people,
and for myself.
2018 has given me so many lessons,
i've tried to find the right gesture to people who hurt me before,
to them who lied to my face,
to them who kept their mouth shut and didn't tell me the truth,
to them who pretended like they were never making a mistake to me when all i got from them is pain.
but what i learned on this is,
i wouldn’t let my anger consumes me,
maybe they have a reason for doing such those things to me,
you know sometimes when people are feeling down,
feeling like they’re unwanted,
feeling like they’re lonely,
or feeling like they’re nothing,
they tend to hurt another people for escaping those feelings, and they think it will help them because they’re not alone for feeling that way.
maybe —just maybe,
they don’t think that they're doing the wrong thing,
they don’t know the conditions of someone that they hurt,
or maybe,
they just don’t want to understand.
i learned this;
i think pretending like everything is fine to them —who hurt us, is okay sometimes.
just for making them know that we’re strong enough.
and maybe thinking about what they've been through, all those bads, their sacrifices or all the things that make them exhausted — it all tend to make them sad, mad, and hurt people
therefore, we don't know the whole of their conditions —them, who hurt us.
we only know the surface of their struggle not the battling in their mind,
then it makes me to think "our experiences on things are individual, we are all only human, and we all do make mistakes" —so we could simply forgive them, and let the pains go.
but memories are still memories, they’re living in us.
and those bad memories keeping me from getting so close to people and making a limit for people that want to surf myself.
but as i try to let my soul breath, i know that there’s a piece inside my heart that wants to trust people — maybe once more.
because maybe it will heal all the broken things, all the wounds, all the scars, or maybe take all the pain away.
and i realize, we —as human, will always getting hurt, and it’s fair.
we’ll get hurt and we’ll get up.
so maybe —just maybe, i will start to let people in and trying to trust them, once more.because, what is the best thing beside having the urge to believe in things again when you’ve had betrayed before?
and so the things that i need to do are..
i have to control my own emotions,
not letting anyone who doesn't have any effect in my life screws me up,
enjoying every pain as i try to fight them back,
and keep those smiles shared to people that loves me.
because in the end,
their existence are helping me to fix myself – exactly to be a better version.
as we know, we all grow, blossom, shine, to exactly something that we hope we will.
so let yourself fly against the wild winds even the darkest storm, just to make sure that you’ll be alright because you’ve been through those bads, and you’ll be a blessing for only yourself.
and one thing is,
keep believing in things.
thankyou 2018.
and happy new year,
still and always crossing my finger for the best of the bests in 2019.
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